HOW GRANDPA WRECKED CHRISTMAS
The dinner was done like turkey
and all were enjoying a nice Christmas night
except for our crazy old grandpa
drank way too much egg nog
and then went looking for a fight.
When he stumbled out of grandma’s house
using words no children ought to hear
whole neighborhood knew grandpa
was up and about and getting ready
to spread his usual Christmas cheer.
As grandma watched him leave
worry etched her
She said she always knew
grandpa’s drinking would one day
leave the family in disgrace.
“Come back in here right now”
she began to plead and yell.
but grandpa didn’t seem to heed.
He gave her the finger and said
“now I’ll see you all in hell.”
Then he staggered to the neighbor’s house
a glass of egg nog held tightly in his hand.
We watched as he tossed it back
then dared the next door neighbor
out and face him man to man.
His best friend stood in the doorway
And he began to loudly shout
“Go back home you old fool.”
And that’s when grandpa decided
it was time to punch him out.
But grandpa was so drunk
he took a swing and missed.
He was trying for
a right cross
when his drunken face connected
with the neighbor’s flying fist.
Grandpa toppled off the steps backwards
and landed in snow piled
three feet deep.
And that’s where the cops found him,
still sprawled in the big snow bank
and slumbering in peaceful sleep.
The next day it took every cent
to spring grandpa free from jail.
But mom and sister weren’t too happy
about being too broke to attend
the annual Boxing Day sale.
Well, we finally got grandpa home
and his shrink says he’s going to be alright,
so from our house to yours
Merry Christmas to all
and to all a
Sorry did I really say that?
I meant Merry Christmas to all
and to all a good night.