How Grandpa Wrecked Christmas




The dinner was done like turkey

and all were enjoying a nice Christmas night

except for our crazy old grandpa

who drank way too much egg nog

and then went looking for a fight.


When he stumbled out of grandma’s house

using words no children ought to hear

the whole neighborhood knew grandpa

was up and about and getting ready

to spread his usual Christmas cheer.


As grandma watched him leave

worry etched her tired face.

She said she always knew

grandpa’s drinking would one day

leave the family in disgrace.


“Come back in here right now”

she began to plead and yell.

but grandpa didn’t seem to heed.

He gave her the finger and said

“now I’ll see you all in hell.”


Then he staggered to the neighbor’s house

a glass of egg nog held tightly in his hand.

We watched as he tossed it back

then dared the next door neighbor

to come out and face him man to man.


His best friend stood in the doorway


And he began to loudly shout

“Go back home you old fool.”

And that’s when grandpa decided

it was time to punch him out.


But grandpa was so drunk

he took a swing and missed.

He was trying for a right cross

when his drunken face connected

with the neighbor’s flying fist.


Grandpa toppled off the steps backwards

and landed in snow piled three feet deep.

And that’s where the cops found him,

still sprawled in the big snow bank

and slumbering in peaceful sleep.


The next day it took every cent we had

to spring grandpa free from jail.

But mom and sister weren’t too happy

about being too broke to attend

the annual Boxing Day sale.


Well, we finally got grandpa home

and his shrink says he’s going to be alright,

 so from our house to yours

Merry Christmas to all

and to all a good fight.


Sorry did I really say that?

I meant Merry Christmas to all

and to all a good night.